Several times in the last few weeks, I've felt positively buried. In some ways, I think having such incredibly sweet, peaceful seasons so often makes me all the more ill-equipped to handle challenges or hardships that come my way. It's a rollercoaster...but only because I am so at the whim of my emotions and circumstance.
For example, I have struggled to keep it together (and failed several times) in light of the fact that my beloved car was totaled because of someone else's mistake; we are knee-deep in the realities of home ownership as our yard and gardens are quickly taken over by weeds, and our HVAC system has about run its course; work gets busier week by week, and as the pressure mounts, there doesn't seem to be an end to the stress; I've gained more weight that I care to admit and have allowed myself to be lazy for far too many days; and it's tax season.
There are other things, but you get the gist. But what it comes down to is the fact that I am so, so spoiled. I am self-righteously upset when my plants don't pan out, when an unexpected expense falls on our plates, or when I'm not getting the credit I deserve.
And it hits me: epic fail, dummy. It's really easy to pour out blessings and live graciously when all is going well. But when it's a hot mess, that's when our true character is revealed. I'm a control freak, y'all. And it's not cool. How can I profess that I live in faith and serve the one true God when I am that little girl spinning around on the ground in the middle of the toy store because things aren't going my way? (Oh, you know what I'm talking about...)
This is me growing, y'all. I'm thankful to recognize the sheer ridiculousness of my feeling overwhelmed...and I do. My soul is saved. I am redeemed. Really...taxes? Weeds? A chubby butt?! These things matter not in a life lived saved by grace through faith.