You know that friend who only calls you when they're a hot mess? That friend who you hear from when they're down in the dumps, between relationships, or need a shoulder to cry on? Chances are, it's been so long since you last heard from them that a few consoling words won't do; it's an epic breakdown, requiring an epic consolation. Occasionally there are the obligatory inquiries about your life, but for the most part it's one-sided and exhausting.
I realized recently that I've been that person when it comes to God. When things are going well, I do say thank you and praise my blessings. But I'm not praising Him. I'm not increasing my time in his presence, pouring out my blessings to others, or growing in response to his incredible grace and love. On the other hand, when things are rough? Oh, you know I am taking up all kinds of his time. The prayers are long, the tears are heavy, and I typically spend the first half of our time together apologizing for being MIA and confessing the myriad of recent sins I've yet to take to him (much less discuss with him prior to bad decision time, imagine that).
He never tires, which is awesome in the truest sense of that word. This fact really makes me shake my head when I think about how I've treated our relationship. And it is a relationship, y'all. He wants to be involved, to share, to be part of each moment--big or small. And I'm holding out.
I've witnessed people who dedicate their lives so thoroughly to Christ, maintaining a state of mediation with him throughout their days. This doesn't mean that the life I am witnessing is always rainbows and sunshine; in fact, it's often rife with challenge and discontent. As it should be. I've spent far too long worshipping comfort (and still do), so how can I be surprised when he rocks my world, making me uncomfortable, to get my attention and draw me close?
There is peace in him. Big time. One can be immensely peaceful in a state of chaos. (Trust me.) One will not, however, stay active in a state of complacency. Why would you?
Regardless, He's involved. But I'm missing out. It's like the first time you encounter a healthy, real friendship; the time spent together is different, more candid, attentive, and you want to share the big, deep stuff just as much as the silly, inconsequential stuff (which doesn't really exist in true relationships...it all matters). That shapes you, emboldens you, and provides an opportunity for someone to speak into your life in love.
What better, more fulfilling relationship could I ask for than one with The Almighty? That's everything that's anything.