A parka doesn't go with my LBD, dammit!

It should be a rule that weather cannot suck on a national going-out holiday such as New Years Eve! Ordinarily I would welcome this cold, rainy day with open, Snuggie-clad arms, but today? Color me ticked off!

It's not enough that my beautiful girlfriends and I will spend half the night wading through drunken D-bags? Now we have to teeter Bambi-style in adorable heels to our destination, all the while praying the wind won't steal our fabulous fake lashes (that's probably just me) or blow up our skirts. (The breeze between skyscrapers in downtown Dallas has been known to provide complimentary peep shows here and there. Ladies, never leave home without proper underpants. For the love.) Not to mention, there's a chance of ice. Alcohol + cute shoes + icy sidewalks = busted ass. (At least Gofahne already promised she'd pick me up if I fell...all the while laughing. I heart her.)

But you know what? In the spirit of new beginnings, I am going to walk it off. Here ends my ranting! (Well, for today. I mean, let's not get carried away. It's a new year. Not a lobotomy.) Tonight will be a blast, come what may, and I am going to get my glam on, weather be damned!

So when you're out and about tonight, children, look for the white girl in the sassy dress, acting out lyrics to awesomely bad pop songs while shaking her frizzy, bat-shit-crazy-lookin' mane to-and-fro, and send a glass of bubbly her way. (But, whatever you do, don't talk to her. No, no. Bad.)

Cheers to all my fellow hot messes out there! Hope you all ring in 2010 with style and grace...or something.

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