Back away slowly from the single girl...

I can’t entirely take credit for this topic as it was explored in an episode of “Sex and the City,” much like any other fun topic worth thinking through publicly. But I have noticed quite a few people lately who feel the need to fix me up in an attempt to assuage whatever anxiety they apparently feel in light of my being single for nine (gasp!) months. Granted, it’s a little odd for me too, seeing as I was accustomed to the same person for a very long time, but I have always been the type who is either wrapped up in a long-term relationship, or utterly single and perfectly at peace with that. I’m not the dating type at all, as exhibited by my inclination to wear a diamond ring on a very significant finger whenever I go out, which does little to curtail most dudes on the prowl in bars, which is disgusting. (Why would I date you if you clearly don’t respect boundaries and/or commitment? Zing!)

I love when people start using gender-neutral terms to ask about my dating habits as of late, inquiring as to whether or not I am currently seeing “someone” or if I have a “mate.” I’m not a lesbian. No problem with that assumption as I consider it virtually innocuous, but I share Miranda’s frustration with the only two acceptable options: dating like a fiend, or assumed lez. I am ridiculously picky and don’t waste my time if I don’t instantly feel that pang in my gut that almost assures I am acting like a bumbling fool in the presence of the dude who has just leveled me, usually without much effort on his part.

But shouldn’t it be that way? Shouldn’t you feel something powerful that draws you to someone, and then delve into a conversation (or whatever…) and find out if it’s a cruel joke that physics and/or chemistry inflicts on its victims? Maybe this is one of many aspects that sets my dating habits apart from others, though I know many, many women–most of whom I consider amazing and intelligent–who feel this same way and will settle for nothing less than being knocked on her arse.

You know you’re a Scary Single Girl if…

- Your boss’s wife plays matchmaker between you and the cute guy who works at the dance studio where her daughters attend class

- You get a not-so-subtle scowl every time you mention that your last relationship lasted four years, ended last fall and you haven’t been (seriously) interested in anyone since

- Your friends wonder what is wrong with you when you don’t accept whatever pass comes your way from Random Bar Dude

- Guys you know give you grief about “intimacy issues” because you don’t jump at the chance for a date (…you know, in light of my pathetic, wounded state)

I could go on for days about this…

But ultimately I just wish that people would understand that, though I am passionate beyond belief (especially about people I adore), I don’t have one night stands or welcome a date simply for a free drink/meal/movie. If it’s not someone who makes me nervous or giddy from the get-go, what’s the point? I understand and appreciate those whose love develops over time, friends falling in love, etc., etc., etc. But that’s not my path. I know that in my heart.

So leave me be. I’m not wallowing, lonely, damaged, guarded (well….maybe a lil), misanthropic, bitter, scared, etc. I’m just single.

Deal with it.

1 comment:

  1. I applaud you! Keep your convictions! I agree with you, and there really is that someone out there that will make you all gushy inside. I swear! It tooks me years of failed realtionships, but I found it. And it was worth the wait.